Lauren Thurman

Grieving teens often feel alone and misunderstood when it comes to their thoughts and feelings about the death of a loved one. Even though there might be adults in their lives who care and want to help, sometimes only someone your age who is going through something similar can really understand your experience.

The Alive Teen Retreat was created just for that purpose: to bring grieving high school students together to provide support and understanding from a group of peers.

Coming up October 14-16, Alive Hospice will be hosting our 3rd annual Alive Teen Retreat. The Teen Retreat offers a weekend away filled with outdoor adventure, games and sports, and small group time and activities. Some of our outdoor activities include a climbing tower, canoeing, a zip line, ropes course, and campfires. 

These physical challenges are used to help teens recognize their inner strength when faced with all sorts of challenges in their lives. The small group time gives the teens a supportive place they can share and work through their feelings and experiences.

We hope that the teens take away from the retreat

• a sense or normalcy in what they are going through, and
• ideas about how they can weave the relationship and life of their loved one into their future.

We realize that it takes some courage to commit to attending a retreat such as this. You are not alone if you are feeling nervous about saying yes! All of the participants before you felt that way in the beginning. 

Here’s what they had to say about the experience:

I love how on Day 1 no one knew each other, and by Day 2 I was talking to everyone. Now I have new friends who understand.

It is fun and emotional but it’s very good and healthy for you to get it out in a positive way.

Don’t be shy. Once you get there it is worth the experience. Don’t be afraid to show your feelings.

You will participate in outdoor challenges that you may have never done before. You will come away with tools to help you get through this difficult time in your life. You will have fun and make friends!

There’s still time to register, but don’t wait! To register for the Alive Teen Retreat, or for more information, call 615-963-4732 or click here.

Ruth Williams

Alive Hospice offers quarterly grief support groups to individuals who have lost a loved one (any loved one: family, friend, coworker, or any other significant person). Our autumn support groups will begin in September. As you look at your own personal journey of healing, I’d like to share my “top ten” reasons for joining a grief support group:

10. The facilitators are experienced in the field of grief and are there to help.

9. You can learn about what is typical in grieving the loss of a loved one.

8. Your confidentiality is protected. It’s a “safe zone” where you can share the whole range of feelings you’re experiencing.

7. You can learn strategies for coping with your loss.

6. It’s nice to have a place to be honest about the changes you’re experiencing without fear of judgment or critique.

5. Having a set time to process your grief sometimes gives you a place to “put it” or to “save up” for. (In other words, it provides structure!)

4. You can hear the stories of others and learn from them.

3. It’s nice to share with others about your loved ones. Often in sharing, you learn even more about their legacy.

2. Tears are welcome and understood.

1. It helps to know you are not alone in your grieving.

Our autumn support groups will meet in Nashville, Madison, Brentwood and Murfreesboro. Register by September 1! For more information, call 615-963-4732 or click here.

Ruth Williams is a counselor with Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice. To reach Alive Grief Support Services, call 615-963-4732 or click here.

Ruth Williams

A “tune-up” may be necessary every now and then. Stresses tend to accumulate at times. When one area of your life seems to be smoothing out, another may knock you down. When grief is in the middle of it all, it may seem like simply too much to bear. That’s very understandable.

Alive Hospice’s grief counselors offer both individual counseling and quarterly support groups. Many folks take advantage of both services. Grief is not “one size fits all.”

Sometimes what works is to have a few individual sessions, then move into a group. Some folks may attend a group, then come in for a counseling session or two. Many individuals may benefit from a handful of counseling sessions while others need a weekly visit to a grief counselor for a year or more.

Often folks do quite well for a time then need a “tune-up.” No matter how much counseling one receives, it’s very possible (and even likely) to hit a bump in the road. When this happens, it’s okay to come in and have a session or two to get systems back in working order!

All of us grief counselors probably hear ourselves say repeatedly, “Grief is individual. There’s no right way or wrong way to grieve.” And there’s no particular time frame that works for everyone either. Since difficult things in life may come up in non-grief-related areas, what feels like a good period can quickly change into an “I can’t handle any more” kind of period.

There’s no need for an apology for needing some help along the route to healing from the loss of a loved one. It’s a wonderful opportunity to allow others to reach out to you, when you have probably lent a hand when others are having a difficult time. We’re all in this life thing together!

Having a relationship with a grief counselor is a great opportunity to pick up the phone and say, “Can I come in for a session or two?” Of course. That’s why we’re here. And you may be amazed. Whereas you may have come in for 6-8 sessions before, this time 1-2 might suffice. And if you need more, it’s absolutely no problem.

We’re here to help.

Ruth Williams is a counselor with Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice. To reach Alive Grief Support Services, call 615-963-4732 or click here.

Ruth Williams

We’ve just finished Camp Forget-Me-Not, one of Alive Hospice’s summer camps, and the other (Camp Evergreen) will begin in a few days. Before camp, as one of the group leaders, I find myself “flashing” on memories of past groups and thinking about the children who will join us this year.

Serving children from 1^st through 8^th grade, we offer a variety of activities to help them in their own individual process of grieving.

As you might imagine, when we discover an especially meaningful craft project, we tend to repeat it year after year. Something we do every year is make plaster masks with every child. It is fun to observe how magically the little white strips form into a perfect likeness of the child’s face. Plus, it’s always an adventure seeing just how these masks, once dried and hardened, can be transformed into quite magnificent, symbolic creations, unique to each child.

We use the masks as a way of talking about feelings, recognizing that what we feel on the inside might not always be what is seen on the outside by others.

Another repeated activity is a scavenger hunt. Small groups of children are led around the grounds of the camp, exploring and discovering little pieces of nature that represent the life cycle. We use these as examples of the wonders of beginnings, endings, and “middles” of life.

Group leaders also usually have their favorite stories and books to share that beautifully illustrate the process of life and death and of grief and loss.

Regretfully, in our culture, we tend to avoid discussions of death. Although it is literally a part of life, sadly, we don’t all include it in our “teachable moments” with our children. Craft projects, nature walks, and even finding and reading together favorite storybooks can be so helpful in guiding children through their own understanding of death and dying and grief and loss. All are a part of life.

As we all take a deep breath together, perhaps finding ways of helping our children accept death as a part of life, we “grown-ups” will gradually be able to do so ourselves. And that’s a good thing.

Ruth Williams is a counselor with Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice.

There’s support available for adults and children who are grieving the losses of loved ones. Alive Hospice’s summer grief support groups will begin meeting in June in Nashville, Hendersonville, Murfreesboro and Brentwood. Registration continues through June 6 or until groups are full.

Pre-registration is required, and space may be reserved by calling the phone numbers listed for each group below. There is a cost of $40 for these eight-week groups, but this fee may be waived based on financial need.

Nashville support groups

Loss of Spouse: Two groups will meet in Nashville: one on Monday mornings and the other on Monday evenings. Call 615-963-4732 to register for these groups and for more information, including a detailed schedule and location of meetings.

Loss of Parent, Sibling or Other Loved One (for adults): This support group for adults will meet Tuesday evenings in Nashville. Call 615-963-4732 to register for this group and for more information, including a detailed schedule and location of meetings.

Parents’ Loss of Children: This ongoing support group meets every other Thursday evening in Nashville. Parents may join at any time. Call 615-346-8364 to register for this group and for more information, including a detailed schedule and location of meetings.

Children Experiencing Loss: This support group for children (ages 6-14) will meet after school on Wednesday afternoons in Nashville. Call 615-346-8410 to register for this group and for more information, including a detailed schedule and location of meetings.

Hendersonville support group

Loss of Parent, Spouse, Sibling or Other Loved One (for adults): This support group for adults will meet Monday evenings in Madison. Call 615-346-8637 to register for this group and for more information, including a detailed schedule and location of meetings.

Murfreesboro support group

Loss of Parent, Spouse, Sibling or Other Loved One (for adults): This support group for adults will meet Tuesday evenings in Murfreesboro. Call 615-907-1677 to register for this group and for more information, including a detailed schedule and location of meetings.

Brentwood support group

Loss of Parent, Spouse, Sibling or Other Loved One (for adults): This support group for adults will meet Thursday evenings in Brentwood. Call 615-963-4732 to register for this group and for more information, including a detailed schedule and location of meetings.

Additionally, Alive Hospice offers Same-Sex Loss of Partner grief support groups. Call 615-346-8364 for more information.

Alive Hospice’s grief support groups and individual counseling services are available to anyone who has experienced a loss, regardless of whether a loved one was served by Alive Hospice. Call 615-963-4732 for more information.

Ruth Williams

One of the things I find myself helping folks with is what I often call over-thinking. Basically it’s a way of rehashing things that did or didn’t happen or projecting into the future about what might or might not happen. When you look back, an emotion that often finds its way there is guilt.

Guilt rears its ugly head a lot in our grief counseling offices. There are often lots of leftover feelings about “what if” this or that had or hadn’t happened. What if we’d gotten one more opinion or done one more treatment or taken one more vacation or retired earlier or later or not at all?

Why didn’t I tell him I loved him one more time? Why did she wait for me to leave before she took her last breath? Somehow wishing or wanting to rewrite history, hoping to replace one story with another is so very human of us, isn’t it?

Grief is a journey of recovery, and hopefully, of healing! My personal view of guilt is that it has value if it helps you to make some positive, helpful changes in your life from now on. Sometimes guilt will do that. If you regretted not saying “I love you” often enough, perhaps that regret will cause you to say those precious words to your loved ones who are still living. If you feel guilty over putting your loved one through what now seems like unnecessary medical procedures, then perhaps you will be more aware of that for future decision-making for others, or even for yourself.

Guilt can stop us in our tracks, not allowing us to move forward. Forgiveness of ourselves and of others is a great gift we have the ability to bestow. The past is impossible to change. The valuable energy we use fretting over it or beating ourselves up is not worth it unless it does bring a positive result. So – if you can learn something from those occasional pangs of guilt that understandably show up, go for it. But then, please let it go. It’s hard to do, but well worth it.

Ruth Williams is a counselor with Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice.

Alive Hospice is offering free grief support services for Middle Tennesseans who lost loved ones in the recent Japan tragedy. Anyone who would like to utilize these services is encouraged to call 615-963-4732 or click here.

• Individual grief counseling for adults and children
• “Grief in the Workplace” programs (appropriate for employers, worship communities and other organizations affected by losses in Japan)
• A grief support group, if there is sufficient interest from the community.

These services will be provided by counselors with Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice. The nonprofit agency has offered support to the community after tragedies including last year’s floods in Middle Tennessee; the earthquake in Haiti last January; Hurricane Katrina; and the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Counselors can help with next steps after a funeral, memorial

“A funeral or memorial service is often a helpful step in the grieving process, but it can be very difficult to know what to do next,” said Karen Nash, director of Alive Grief Support Services. “Grief counselors are trained to help with taking those next steps toward healing and restoring a sense of balance. We don’t ‘get over’ losses, but we can learn how to integrate them into our lives. Alive Hospice is here to provide this support for anyone in our community who needs it.”

Ruth Williams

Aren’t kids delightful? They are usually playful, curious, adventuresome, affectionate, helpful, spontaneous, uninhibited, etc. And then, if they experience the devastating loss of a parent, grandparent, sibling, or friend, it can turn their world upside down.

Just as we stress the uniqueness of every grieving adult, every grieving child is one of a kind. Of course, they don’t have the adult “sophistication” of all the internalized lists of “shoulds” that we carry around in us. Adults often have preconceived notions of what is “supposed to be” in terms of thoughts, feelings, and behavior in response to a loss. Children tend to react in much less prescribed ways.

Play is the language of children. Admittedly the type of play does change as children get older, but essentially it’s still in that category of play. Their “work” is school. So, just as adults experience a change in their work and leisure-time activities and behavior in response to a loss, children do as well. However, they are limited in their ability to articulate what’s going on with them. Instead, we usually see it.

Add the extra dynamic of their parent also grieving the loss of a spouse and it gets even more challenging. Even very young children can sense a change in a parent’s behavior. Sometimes this leads to a fear of losing the remaining parent. Or it can also lead to a child suppressing their own emotions, trying to somehow protect the parent from hurting too much. 

If you’ve had a loss in your family, know that your child will grieve his or her own way. It won’t look the same as your grief, and yet it truly is grief. The best word to use to describe it would be “change.” Anticipate a change in behavior of some kind. It could be in play, maybe in appetite. It could be physical symptoms like headaches or tummy aches. There could be more conflict with others or more clinging to others. They could be sleeping less or sleeping.

It’s okay to ask for help, from friends and family or from a professional like a school counselor or one of our grief counselors. We have counselors at Alive Hospice’s Nashville office and the Madison and Murfreesboro offices as well that enjoy working with children. We are here for you, to help assess your children and work with them as needed. We also have children’s camps in the summer and a fall retreat for teens.

Help is available. Please feel free to reach out.

Ruth Williams is a counselor with Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice.