Grieving for a patient
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| Dr. David Tribble |
I had the privilege, recently, of caring for a patient as she died. In the span of a few hours over three days, I came to know the person who was my patient and, as sometimes happens, resonated particularly with her and with her husband, who were gracious enough to make me feel welcome in a time that was very personal between them.
 It is an inevitable consequence of being so touched that I am also aware that the world is a sorrier place for her death.
It is a good thing that we have patients that we mourn. It helps us remain connected to them as people, and to understand those they leave behind, to know when to speak and when just to be silent. It also makes our calling more than just a job.
Those who would have us remain distant and detached (the word usually used is “objective”) miss the point. It is in the course of our calling that we get to meet, even if only for a short time, wonderful people we would otherwise never have met and to be blessed by them, if we will let it happen. That we experience the pain of their passing is a small price to pay for that gift.
Dr. David Tribble is Alive Hospice’s chief medical officer.
Joanna Walker said,
Wrote on October 29, 2009 @ 3:43 pm
I’m an IT Admin and I’m doing research right now on blogs because our Hospice is thinking about creating a blog and your comment about not hiding behind detachment touched my heart. Thank you for being open. Thank you for sharing.
Christian Sinclair said,
Wrote on November 5, 2009 @ 12:37 am
This post was featured in the November 2009 edition of Palliative Care Grand Rounds!
Congratulations and thanks for contributing to the palliative care blogosphere.
Thanks for this post David. I like to talk to my fellows and staff about how thick our mask is on any one day. Too thick is not good because of the callousness and detachment, but too thin of a mask and burnout is at higher risk.
Dr. David Tribble said,
Wrote on November 5, 2009 @ 10:20 pm
There is a boundary between allowing ourselves investment in our patients and inserting ourselves into their family system. In the end, it is about the patient and not about us, which is important in maintaining that boundary in a proper place. I think the risk of the mask being too thin lies in losing track of the fact that control of who lives and who dies does not lie with us, and that we are always guests while we are providing end-of-life care.
donna graeser rn,chpn said,
Wrote on November 9, 2009 @ 11:19 pm
helpful advice gained from a hospice conference that i try and practice is to ‘leave my ego at the door’. i would suppose that includes masks.not always successful-but when able, i do believe the family can feel better supported by ‘presence’.
Kim Lintner said,
Wrote on December 30, 2009 @ 12:49 pm
“It is in the course of our calling that we get to meet, even if only for a short time, wonderful people we would otherwise never have met and to be blessed by them, if we will let it happen.”
You describe the exact reason I have remained in this field when I initially thought it to be a short-term,employment endeavor to something greater. I am not convinced there exists a greater calling.
Kim