Nanette Mathe

Chaplains everywhere find their own ways of “decompressing” after visiting their patients. I have several ways of doing this. First and foremost I know that I cannot fix what is happening to the patient or loved ones. My faith teaches me to turn the worries and concerns over to God. I do this through my closing prayer with families, or my silent prayer in the car after I have left a patient’s home.

Another way I decompress is to lose myself in the beauty of nature. As I drive from one patient’s home to another through the beautiful Tennessee countryside, I find joy and peace in God’s creation.

A third way I decompress is with other team members. We provide comfort to each other when a beloved patient dies or when the caring gets difficult. There is always support and love shared among us because we understand how the other person is feeling.

Finally, I decompress through creativity. Journaling and writing poetry help me express my thoughts and get them out of my head. Painting helps me express my emotions so they don’t bottle up inside.

Everyone needs to decompress. How do you care for yourself when things get tough?

Nanette Mathe is an Alive Hospice chaplain.

National Pastoral Care Week is this week, and three Alive Hospice chaplains recently shared candid thoughts about why they do what they do and the impact they make as they serve terminally ill patients and their families.

“I enjoy the opportunity to work with a team as we help someone complete this life. As a hospice chaplain, it is an honor for me when I am invited to be a pastoral presence or to represent a spiritual presence with someone who has been admitted for hospice care.” —Chaplain Dahl Johnson

“I have had the opportunity to do ‘good work’ in many places in my career, but none has changed my life like being a hospice chaplain. I witness and encourage patients to embrace the unfolding mystery of God’s presence and activity in their final days. In all of their lives, nothing really matters in their last breaths on this earth except their relationships. I have learned that the most important thing in this world is to love and be loved.” —Chaplain Gene Lovelace

“I am so blessed through my encounters with our patients and loved ones. They invite me into this one small portion of their lives so I can walk with them, giving God’s peace, comfort, love, and presence. I hope to help normalize the dying process for our patients and loved ones by being a calm, reassuring presence.” —Chaplain Nanette Mathe

Thank you, chaplains!

The Millennial Generation (those born between 1980 and 2000), or Generation Y, is known for being highly motivated, greatly valuing community, and celebrating diversity. This much we know, but we want to know more!

If you are a Millennial, we hope you will participate in a survey about your views and preferences on a variety of topics. (You don’t have to live in Middle Tennessee to participate.) Or, if you have Millennial children and/or grandchildren, please click here to forward them an invitation to take the survey. Or just copy and paste the following link into an e-mail: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yYjVl_2bFwy_2bWEtsFlyTeq0Q_3d_3d

Some other details:

• The deadline for completing the survey is Friday, November 13, 2009.
• Average time: 16 minutes.
• Millennials who complete the survey will have the chance to enter a drawing to win a $25 iTunes gift card.

Questions? Please contact Vanessa Melius at (615) 963-4810 or vmelius@alivehospice.org.

Ruth Williams

I’ve had an interest in sleeping and dreaming since I was a little girl. Because of this, I’ve been keeping a dream journal for many years. I turn to it first thing in the morning, hurriedly recording the sometimes surprising and often revealing details of the adventures of my subconscious. In fact, I have several reference books that reflect on the symbols of dreams.

Many people share that their dreams play an integral part in their journey of grief. Some report having vivid dreams of loved ones. My own belief is that it may indeed be very real. One challenge is that many who desire some “tangible” kind of reassurance that their loved one is all right (in whatever/wherever they believe to be the next phase of existence) don’t always have that hoped-for dream as confirmation. And, obviously, such phenomena cannot be forced or rushed. For some, such a dream could even be frightening or unsettling.

The subconscious understandably has been the subject of curiosity for centuries. Why one is the recipient of a “visitation” in a dream and another is not, I’m not sure. We are all unique individuals and therefore experience grief uniquely. Not everyone is even conscious of dreaming, rarely recalling a dream.

Gifts come in many different forms. Seeing, feeling, hearing, or even smelling loved ones in dreams or in waking hours following their death can be one of many memorable experiences to treasure. Questioning whether or not it’s “real” – to me, at least – is unimportant. To be grateful for the gift can be a welcome part of the healing.

• Dreamers claim they can talk to dead loved ones (WSMV Channel 4 News)
• Visits from the dearly departed: Hallucinations or sacred encounters? (Alive Hospice Blog)

Teresa Yarbrough

We have superlative volunteers who assist in many aspects of our care at Alive Hospice. The volunteers who work with us at Alive Hospice Residence Nashville are as varied as the types and colors of plants and flowers in our courtyard and surrounding our facility.

A group of 10 ladies created two quilts     (including the one shown above) for Alive     Hospice patients. Each quilt took around     100 hours from start to finish.

One group of volunteers used their creative (and labor-intensive) talents to produce for us two unique quilts that have, in this past year, become part of a favorite and revered tradition. Several of these lady-volunteers met with members of our staff at the Residence to brainstorm ideas for colors, shapes and sizes. Literally hundreds of hours and thousands of stitches later, we were gifted with such exquisitely beautiful quilts that family members, visitors, and staff alike admire with awe each time one is used. 

Our staff were able to sign each quilt in areas specifically prepared for our signatures. The significance of our signatures lies in what the quilts were thoughtfully prepared for and how we respectfully make use of them.

Whenever one of our patients is taken from our facility after his or her death, we drape each one with a quilt that carries each staff member’s name. In a symbolic way, all of us who have shared in caring for this patient are able to take part in one final goodbye. Just as the attending staff present at the actual time of death are able to escort that person from the building embraced in one of our quilts, it is as if each of us is part of the respectful and loving farewell. I believe that our use of these lovely quilts has brought a level of reverence to our tradition of releasing our patients that has richly enhanced our honoring of them and their loved ones.

My hope is that our volunteers (who offered their talents and dedicated so much of their time and energy to make our quilts into the wonderful realities that we experience on a daily basis) will find genuine satisfaction in knowing how deeply their works of art are appreciated by so many on an ongoing basis.

Teresa Yarbrough is a registered nurse at Alive Hospice Residence Nashville.

Dr. David Tribble

I had the privilege, recently, of caring for a patient as she died. In the span of a few hours over three days, I came to know the person who was my patient and, as sometimes happens, resonated particularly with her and with her husband, who were gracious enough to make me feel welcome in a time that was very personal between them.

 It is an inevitable consequence of being so touched that I am also aware that the world is a sorrier place for her death.

It is a good thing that we have patients that we mourn. It helps us remain connected to them as people, and to understand those they leave behind, to know when to speak and when just to be silent. It also makes our calling more than just a job.

Those who would have us remain distant and detached (the word usually used is “objective”) miss the point. It is in the course of our calling that we get to meet, even if only for a short time, wonderful people we would otherwise never have met and to be blessed by them, if we will let it happen. That we experience the pain of their passing is a small price to pay for that gift.

Dr. David Tribble is Alive Hospice’s chief medical officer.

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Janny Adkins

The other evening, I was watching the last of the hummingbirds feed from the feeder on my deck. I was thinking about how much I enjoy those little creatures, and how blessed and joyful I feel to have them on my deck.

Appreciation for connecting moments with all living creatures and nature has been a benefit of working in hospice. Over my career in health care, I have spent a great deal of those years in hospice work. Without a doubt, my involvement with hospice, specifically hospice patients, has taught me to appreciate these moments in nature such as watching hummingbirds, sunsets, and counting the stars as they appear in the sky.

Facing the possibility of a limited number of days to live, many hospice patients teach through their actions and words that making a conscious connection to nature can help sustain and foster a sense of life, regardless of the number of days that one may live. Appreciation of the beauty of nature and others connects us to life through expression of the feelings of appreciation and gratitude. We then connect to life, not death, by focusing on the present moment.

Life makes itself known only in the present moment as does death. And so, hospice patients have taught me much about how to live life by staying connected to it in each moment. A good lesson for all of us.

Janny Adkins is an Alive Hospice account executive who informs health care professionals, patients, and families about hospice care.